November 28, 2005

The waiting is the worst

Posted in TTC woes at 10:13 am by Erin

I hate waiting, and that’s all that happens in TTC.  First, you wait for AF to be over.  Then you wait for good CM…a rather long wait for me.  Then you wait to O, another long wait for me even after I get EWCM (case in point, on my last cycle I had 12 days of EWCM before I O’d).  Then you have the dreaded "2 week wait", in which every little twinge in your body is analyzed for possible pg or oncoming AF symptoms.  And then it starts over, if you’re not lucky enough to get pg that cycle.

For me, I have now added a new feature into the middle of my 2 week wait period of "When will I start to spot?"  This time, it was at 9 dpo (I’ve decided to just go along with my monitor and move O to a day later, which puts me at 12 dpo today instead of 13).  Last cycle, it was at 7.  Before I had P, it was either at 12 or 13 dpo, never earlier.  I used to spot for one or two days, have AF for 3, and spot for one more.  Now, I spot for 4+ days.  Whee.  Hopefully the progesterone test will tell us something.

I do appreciate the fact that my spotting is light enough that I didn’t have to deal with feminine products while I was on vacation.  And that AF was kind enough to not show up early and bring her cramps (and frequently a migraine–let’s just add insult to injury, shall we?) with her.

And for once, my mom didn’t mention anything about me having more children, nor did anyone else ask us anything about it.  I’m not sure why.  She may have realized that I’ve been back on the Metformin at least since June (that’s when she was first down after I started taking it again) and still haven’t told her that a new grandchild’s on the way, and be trying to be kind.  If that’s the case, I appreciate it, although I’m sure it makes her sad.  She knows that we want more, and she knows that we tried for a long time for P, and she probably wishes she were kept in the loop a little bit.  But I just don’t feel comfortable with it.  I get squicked out when I think about talking to my mom, or most people, for that matter, about our reproductive life.  It was weird enough talking about P’s birth with her, and I didn’t even go into great detail!

Anyway, I’m still waiting for AF.  The spotting is typical (for the last few months, anyway), and I felt the harbinger of cramping last night.  There’s no earthly reason to believe that this was my cycle, and I don’t.  But I’ll still feel a little sad when AF shows up, so I’ll throw myself into planning P’s birthday party.  My baby will be 2 on Saturday!  We’ve got definite yes’s from 17 (plus 2 babies and not including the 3 of us) and about 10 people who’ve still not responded.  My baby’s birthday is huge already–and only 5 of the 17 people are kids!  It’ll be simple, though–it’s mid-afternoon, so no meals to worry about.  I’m making a bunch of appetizers, letting the kids decorate their own cupcakes, and having a couple of simple things to do.  It’s hard to do much with 5 two-year olds and a 5 year old.  But we’ll have fun and I’m looking forward to it!  It’ll keep my mind off AF, and remind me that I’ve already had 2 blessed, wonderful years with the sweetest little boy on earth.

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