January 2, 2006

Poor P!

Posted in Ramblings o' P at 8:27 am by Erin

I sent my baby to daycare today.  Yes, I do that everyday.  But today is the day after New Year’s and everyone has the day off.  (OK, not J, as he works for himself.)   I could have taken the day off but I’m feverishly trying to get both the rewrites of my dissertation finished as well as my Bradley final exam to become fully affiliated.  Plus we spent a week at the IL’s and I did absolutely no work while I was there.  So I sent him to daycare today.  He’s in the infant room, as there is exactly ONE other child from his class in today and they combined the two of them with the 3 infants who are there.  Happily, it’s his pal Hannah.  They’ve been together at daycare since P’s first month there and they are the best of friends.  The other day, P came home and said "Hannah fun!"

I still felt bad leaving him.  Mama guilt is awful.  But it’s a rainy day and he’ll probably have more fun there playing with Hannah than he would at home with me when I’m trying to work.

So for your reading enjoyment today, the top 5 things I feel guiltiest about with P!  In no particular order, they are:

1.  That I stopped nursing him when the Metformin was making him sick to his stomach.  I should have just stopped taking the Metformin and let him wean himself (he was down to only twice a day anyway, but still).  He really enjoyed nursing, I really enjoyed nursing him.  And I may never get to nurse a child again.

2.  That I have done such a poor job of keeping up with his milestones in his baby book.  Most people say that their first child has an extensive baby book and the ones after that are pretty sparse.  If that’s the case, my next child will have a Post-It note.

3.  That I don’t make more of an effort to take him to the park.  He LOVES going to the park and the weather has been pretty nice lately, yet I’ve not managed to get him there once.

4.  That I haven’t finished my dissertation yet and will be getting less time home with him than I’d hoped for.  Every day that goes by without it being done is one less day that I get to spend home with P instead of working and missing his childhood.

5.  That we live so far away from our families.  P just blossoms and thrives when he spends time with our families, and I really regret that we don’t live closer to them.  I grew up with practically all of my family living within about 90 miles (most within 20) and saw them all the time.  Holidays together with multiple generations, one summer where my two cousins, my siblings, and I had the same babysitter and got to spend every day together, family who’s relationships I’m still murky about but they’re all cousins just the same.  Some of them second, some of them third cousins once removed, whatever.  I’m really close with many of them to this day, and I wish P was going to get that same experience.  (At the same time, though, there’s no way I’m moving back to NY or up to Ohio.  They should all move down here.)

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