January 24, 2006

Stupid TOB

Posted in The musings of Erin at 7:56 am by Erin

It just won’t leave me alone!  I’m at 10dpo and still not spotting–this hasn’t happened in almost a year.  No signs of pregnancy, no nothing.  Just a missing spot.  And of course going one day later than my normal latest lack-of-spotting is helping TOB burrow even deeper.  Which means a bigger fall when I start spotting today or tomorrow or whenever I start.

Do I wish I was pregnant?  God, yes!  Am I scared that I might be this time?  Of course–I’ve been out of Metformin for 3 days and haven’t called in to get my refill (30% or higher risk of miscarriage in PCOS-patients without Metformin; see this article for more info!) and I haven’t been taking my prenatal vitamins.  And I haven’t started that exercise program that I keep meaning to start.  And this would mean having TWO children.

How can something so hopeful be so scary at the same time?  I know that’s not necessarily an IF question, though it definitely applies there also.  I just remember that we had been so focused on just getting pregnant that when I finally did get pregnant with P, I was giddy for about an hour.  Then the reality sank in and "Holy shit, we’re going to have complete responsibility for another human life!" 

I just read back over this and OMG, I am so obviously overtired.  My defenses are too low to resist the siren’s buzzing of TOB.  This is just not fair.  I need a nap.  OK, I need a full 8 hours of sleep, but a nap would help.  I hope J gets out of court soon so we can go get my car (which is now fixed, hooray!) and I can go sleep for a few hours before picking up P.  Who was just moved to the 2-year-old classroom at his daycare yesterday.  It was very abrupt–in the morning he was still in the 1-year-old room and when I picked him up, he was in the 2-year-old room.  I even asked a couple of weeks ago if they did a slow transition into the new room the way they did from the infant room and they said yes.  Which was good, as I think it’s easier for kids to adjust to new situations if you give them more time.  I wish they had this time…P seemed to be doing OK in there when I went to get him, but he was clearly more reserved than he was in his old classroom.  No real surprise, he went from being the oldest kid to the youngest and almost the smallest.  I hope he’s OK in there.  I can’t help but worry.  He seems so little compared to the other kids.  But they have an awesome playground that I know he’ll love–way more climbing and bigger slides than the one used by the 1-year-olds (one of the things I love about our daycare is that they have separate playgrounds for all the different ages, with only age-appropriate toys and equipment).  I hope they get to go out to play today.

Jeez, someone pull a plug on me or something.  I keep babbling!

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