March 25, 2006

Things get worse

Posted in TTC woes at 6:07 pm by Erin

What a cheery little blog I have here!  I keep saying that I’m going to brighten this place up with flowers and smiley faces, but somehow they just don’t seem to fit with the tone of things.

Anyway, thanks for all of your responses to my last post about SAHM vs daycare.  I’ve got a way that I’m leaning right now, but I’m still up for all insight and responses (even if you think they sound harsh or not–I appreciate hearing opinions from so many people!).  Either way, it’s a tough call.  Schools here start so early that we’re looking at me going back in mid-July, so it’s really only 3 1/2 months, and he’d only be at school for 4 hours a day (2 of which would be naptime).  And losing our spot is a HUGE concern since we love our daycare and there have been hundreds of houses built in this area in the last 6 months–I know his classroom is only 2 spaces away from capacity.  But I’ve treasured this time so much.  We anticipated my being unemployed, so we saved and prepared for it.  But SAH forever is not an option since J is self-employed (and his income varies SO much), and we have no health insurance (or guaranteed income, and there are months that they can barely pay their employees–office expenses get put on credit cards, no paycheck home for he or his partner) if I don’t work a full-time job.

Back to infertility issues!

On Friday, I got a call from Nurse L, my primary care nurse–I like her a lot.  She’s very cheerful but not in a so-perky-that-I-can-see-the-cheerleader-outfit-and-pompoms-through-the-phone way.  And she’s excellent about always calling me back within a few hours after I call her.  First things first: J is fine, as expected.  He feels stupid spending $120 to get a test done that we expected to be fine.  I feel like it was money well-spent to rule him out and to completely eliminate him as a cause of our infertility.  And way cheaper than any of my tests.

Which we’re probably going to be continuing.  I’m borrowing my RE’s name from a friend who also used him and now has a little boy–Dr Wonderful.  He really is great.  Anyway, he got a chance to review my films from my HSG and sent Nurse L an e-mail that she read to me over the phone.  Basically, it said that there was clearly something there and we need to meet to discuss the next step.  I had a progesterone test scheduled for 8 a.m. Wednesday morning anyway, so we’re meeting then.

Maybe I’m just being overanalytical, but it sounded kind of ominous.  He didn’t say whether it was or wasn’t a fibroid.  It could be some sort of polyp.  I also have my concern about uterine scarring from my medically-managed placental removal, and I don’t know what uterine scarring looks like in an HSG–maybe it could be that?

I don’t know what he’s going to recommend.  I don’t know any next steps.  Up until this point, everything we’ve done has been something I’ve done/dealt with during primary inferility.  We’re entering a whole new uncharted region.  And I’m nervous since I have to go without J, as even if we decide to keep P in school, he wouldn’t be going that early in the morning.  J is my rock.  But at least I know he’ll still be home that morning when I get back so that we can talk.

While I’m there, I also plan to ask him about the intense discomfort of ovulating this cycle.  I’m concerned about that, as my research shows that it’s not normal or usual.

I told J that if this cycle didn’t work, I’m getting very, very drunk–my hopes are up too much and I can’t seem to suppress them (though this call from Nurse L helped).  Screw the migraine that I will undoubtedly have the next day–I can take my not-safe-for-even-a-possibility-of-pregnancy meds without any worries.

Only another 6 or 7 days until spotting begins.  10 or 11 until AF shows. 



  1. DD said,

    “Worrying about the future is a waste of the present” or some such saying.
    Just because I don’t have anything else to add, how ’bout you go over and give P a big smooch from me.

  2. Heather said,

    I’m sorry to hear that they found something, but at least they found something. Now they can work from that. I think it’s more frustrating knowing nothing.
    I’m also sorry to hear that you already feel this cycle is a bust. I understand getting your hopes up so much. On day 14 I thought I saw a peak in my temp, so I was SOO excited all day thinking this is it… I finally ovulated. (100 mg Clomid). Then the next morning my temps were back down again. Now it’s day 16 and still nothing…
    It’s like an emotional rollar coaster we put ourselves on. So excited for things that so many women take for granted.

  3. Carly said,

    I hope whatever they found turns out to not be that scary and very treatable. I can just imagine how forboding it all seemed.
    About daycare, how about you continue to pay them so you don’t lose your spot and keep P home with you. When you’re in a major bind with an appt, I’m sure you could leave him there even if it goes horribly at that time. I’m sure it would only be an hour or 2 generally. If he started back daily now, he’d have to go through a transition, just as he would in July. 3 1/2 months together every day would be such a gift to both of you. I’m sure if you work on the nap thing, you can get him to nap again more regularly. I’m also trying to figure out what to do about S’s daycare. I have all these different options I’m thinking about and don’t know what to do!

  4. Courtney said,

    Hopefully this is something that can be fixed and lead to ending your ttc battle.
    Each month for me is devistating. A friend of mine recommended a list of 10 things that you can do if not preggo. It really makes you feel better. You can see mine on my blog. Good luck!!!!

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