July 13, 2006

Poignancy

Posted in Ramblings o' P at 7:00 pm by Erin

Overheard at the registrar’s office as P and I left after he had charmed everyone: "He’s so sweet, he makes me want to have another one."

My thought:  "Me, too."

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Last night was my last Bradley class with one of my current classes.  They’ve been by far my favorite class.  I don’t know what it was, but something just gelled with them and we had a fabulous class–they talked openly about all kinds of things and got very close to one another.  They even gave me a gift certificate for a one-hour massage–I’ve never had a class give me a gift before.  (The moms said that since they got so many massages because of me–we do a lot of massage practice for relaxation–they felt that I deserved one.)  Normally teaching a childbirth class as an infertile makes me feel sad but I do it because a) I want to pass on what we learned since it made such a difference to us as a family; b) it makes me feel a little better to talk about our experiences with pregnancy and birth and being new parents, and remember how great they were; and c) the extra money is awfully nice.  But with this class, I really looked forward to each class.  I didn’t feel the melancholy before each class and I am so excited for them to have their babies.  But I am a little sad that their class is over, since I’ve so enjoyed the last 12 Wednesday nights.

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The last class is about bringing home a new baby.  I bring out all of my slings and soft carriers, show them how to use a Boppy for proper nursing positioning, show how a breast pump works, and demonstrate diapering and swaddling a baby.  I was practicing my swaddling technique on one of P’s teddy bears before they came over and P loved it.  Now he keeps wanting me to swaddle his "babies", then he holds them with such gentleness.  I so desperately want to see him holding an actual baby brother or sister.  I never realized how that would make me feel.

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I got my first copy of "Adoptive Families" magazine yesterday.  I haven’t had a chance to read it yet but just seeing it in the mail made me realize that, while we will have more children, it’s at least a year away.  Probably more.  And since that was followed up by P’s newfound love of holding a swaddled baby, it made accepting that a little harder.

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5 Comments »

  1. Alli said,

    What you wrote about P and the swaddled “babies” is so touching. My kids both really want a baby, too.

  2. Jennie said,

    P sounds so sweet. You must just want to hug him all day.

  3. DD said,

    It’s the innocent question of a child, “Can we have a baby brother/sister?” that wounds me the deepest. I can’t shrug or laugh it off or pointedly tell him “we’re infertile!”.
    It’s something I want to give him just as badly as I want to give it to myself and Mr. DD.

  4. Meg said,

    Erin – Wow, that’s pretty intense stuff. it can’t always be easy working in these circumstances.
    Image of P and his “babies” is very sweet and sad.

  5. Nico said,

    I can only imagine how wonderful, and yet how heartbreaking, seeing P with his “babies” must be. I’m so impressed by your continuing to teach the classes, while aching to be going through that again!


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