July 8, 2008

Silence

Posted in The musings of Erin at 4:47 pm by Erin

Once again, I apologize for the lack of posting.  I really appreciate those of you who’ve taken a minute to check in on me–the truth is, I just haven’t felt like I’ve got much to post.  It’s been odd.  I’ve frequently thought about writing a post.  I’ve started composing posts in my head, but they always peter out.  It’s like a kind of writer’s block.



Lately, I seem deluged by pregnancy and birth announcements.  People that I didn’t even know were expecting have sent birth announcements for their second or third child (shows you how well I keep in touch with former work acquaintances šŸ˜‰ ).  A LOT of people have announced that they’re expecting a brand new child in their family, all of them around the date that we would have been expecting our little pregnancy-that-wasn’t to come to completion.  It’s a bit melancholy–but surprisingly, I’m OK with most of it.



A part of it is that I’m genuinely happy and excited for those who’ve announced pregnancies lately.  Most of them have come with a pang of “Why not me also?”, but the emotions that go along with it are merely a shadow of what they used to be.  They don’t send me into a tailspin of emotional despair.  They don’t make me beg for fertility.  They don’t make me think about how my family is missing someone.  They just come–and then they go.  The scars of infertility are there but they aren’t raw and fresh, ready to reopen at the slightest announcement.  They’re healing.



This is huge for me.  I feel happy with my family lately.  We’ve spent a lot of quality time together, which has given J and I much better opportunities for communication and regaining a lot of the happiness in our relationship and marriage.  I’m having more fun with the kids.  I am SO excited that my sister is getting married this weekend and can’t wait to leave for NY.  I love that my hair is back to brown with pretty caramel highlights.  It’s not leaving a lot of room for melancholy, and I am thrilled about it.



So thank you, thank you for your comments and words and thoughts and support.  They’ve helped me get to this point.  I will try to pick up the posting and will write more about our lives, but I wanted to thank you for helping me so much in the past 2 1/2 years. 

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8 Comments »

  1. JessPond said,

    I’m glad you’re feeling so good about things. I’ve thought about you often and am glad to hear from you!!

  2. Endobaby said,

    I’m really happy that things aren’t as bad for you.
    I am pregnant and STILL feel weird when I see people already going for their 2nd or 3rd…strange.
    yes – I would love to read more about you! =)

  3. Jitters/Enat said,

    I get it. IT still stings a bit, but does not burn. I am very eager to add a new one to our family, but still mourn the losses of the process it took to get this far. Hopefully, we will let that scab heal into a scar and not pick at it….easiler said than done when it seems everyone is getting pregnant.

  4. Samantha said,

    I glad you are doing well! You deserve your quality time and chance to focus on you and your family.

  5. Ms. C said,

    Thanks for the update. I worry when you don’t write!! (But understand- life is busy!)
    I’m glad to hear that all is well with the family, and that you guys have been having some quality time together. Yay.
    I also commend you on how far you have come. I have to say that even now (only 3 months later!) I see pregnant women and feel the jealousy.

  6. docgrumbles said,

    I am glad to hear things are generally going well.

  7. Betty M said,

    I’m pretty new here but am also glad things are ok with you.

  8. I am glad to hear that things are looking up. its great when you turn that corner to realize wounds are healing


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