October 17, 2009

Prayers of an infertile

Posted in TTC woes at 4:28 pm by Erin

I’m 14dpo but I could be a couple of days off on that.  I mean, I wasn’t completely paying attention and could potentially be only 12dpo.  So I will probably start spotting sometime today.


I felt kind of light headed for a while earlier.  But I’m probably just coming down with something. 


I’m really tired and could easily have taken a nap at noon today.  I know I got 8 1/2 hours of sleep last night, but I’m probably just tired from the whole week.


I took a prenatal and my metformin this morning even though I’ve been really sporadic about taking them in the last two months.  I should be taking them anyway, so there wasn’t a special reason to take them.


I bought the EPT because I was at the store anyway.   It wasn’t a special trip to the store to buy it.


A fertile who wants to get pregnant might say “I really hope I”m pregnant.”


A jaded, cynical infertile, already in a bad place after August, prays instead: “Dear G-d, please let me start spotting before I take out that test tomorrow morning.  Please, just let me keep some of my heart intact.  Don’t give me this hope just to dash my dreams.”



  1. electriclady said,

    Holding hope in my heart for you.

  2. JessPond said,

    Oh I know.

    Good luck!

  3. May said,

    Please please please…

  4. irshlas said,

    Hope… that dangerous thing, no? This post was so eloquent. Truly, you captured thoughts I’ve had so often myself.

    I actually have a rule in my house. Period late and want to get it started? Buy a test and take it. Within moments, let the flow begin…. ugh.

  5. sky said,

    Oooh. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow morning.

  6. I know, I know, I know. In the past, my fail-safe way to start my cycle was to do a home pregnancy test. Never, ever failed to get the stupid period to start. There’s just not a much worse feeling than having the hope pummeled to the ground by a negative test, only to have hope smashed to smithereens by a period that starts the next day. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

    All the same, I’m really hoping that this cycle is positive, and that if it isn’t, that you can get through it all with at least a thread or two of hope to cling to.

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