April 28, 2012

Fuck me. I’m back, kicking and screaming.

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:36 pm by Erin

This isn’t a happy “back”. This is a “I need a place to write, and suspect I may REALLY need a place to write soon.”

Anyone see this article? This family traveled with us. They were in our group. They used the same agency. They met their daughter the same day. They came home the same day. We spent a week with them while we got to know K and they got to know their new daughter. P and their older son, who traveled with them, bonded. We have a picture of P and their son in the boys’ bedroom.

I am freaking out, primarily because this is something I’ve long wondered about. I think I’ve posted about the video we have of K with his firstmom, which is a precious thing to us. But I’ve long wondered how they got that video. How could they know she was going to relinquish him before she did? I asked the day we first saw it if they had brought K back to do the video. At the time, that idea horrified me—that they might do that to a confused, scared, grieving child and then take him away again. ¬†It wasn’t until we left Ethiopia that I wondered about how they could have gotten the video. Then I consoled myself with the idea that maybe she brought K to the orphanage and they asked her if she could keep him so that they could take a video for him to have, but that there was no complicity beyond that. Even having talked myself into believing that scenario, a part of me wondered. It always has.

We put off doing a search because J has been out of work for so long. We had already planned to start one this summer¬†if we could afford it. Having read this article, I will go hat-in-hand to my IL’s and beg them to lend us the money if we need to. Clearly, we need this story. We need to know K’s truth.