July 9, 2009

Working it out

Posted in The musings of Erin at 5:20 pm by Erin

We are working it all out.  It's not easy–the other day we had to have the discussion that if J wasn't going to have a job in the fall, there was no reason to put K into daycare (P will be starting kindergarten).  Financially we couldn't afford it and realistically, it would be stupid to have him in daycare if his very-capable father was going to be home full-time. 

I think that spurred J on to do something.  If I thought I wasn't prepared to be a SAHM when I went through the decision a few years ago, J is certainly not prepared to be a SAHD.  It has nothing to do with his ability to interact and enjoy K.  It has to do with the ability to do so and not lose himself in the process.  Like I said before, the vast majority of his social life comes from work.  If he's home all the time with K, he won't have any of that interaction.  He needs that interaction.  K needs the interaction with other kids, which I don't think he would often get if he was home with J full time.  In short, it wouldn't be a good situation for either of them.

In the last two days, J's come up with several ways to bring in at least enough money to make up the gaps of where my income falls short.  Not having P in daycare this year will help tremendously, as he was at the private school with exorbitant costs until May.  So the gaps aren't as large as they could have been.  They won't be full-time work; he thinks they're things he could do with 20 hours a week, which would leave time to look for a regular job and/or do some volunteer work that he'd like to do.

I'm hopeful for him.  He grew up in a home where his mom stayed home until he was a teen and his dad worked.  It gave him a sense that the man is supposed to be the one providing for the family.  It's not a source of contention for me to make more than he does since I've made more about half of our marriage and we've never even discussed it.  It's just something that he believes inside, regardless of anything else.  Plus, he prefers to have a focus.  Who doesn't?

Our daycare is short of kids right now also, probably because many kids have a parent out of work who is home with them.  I'm going to go talk to them next week and find out what's the latest that I can get the kids signed up (K for full-time, P for aftercare).  I suspect that they'll be fine with as late as we need.  J is going to spend the next month working out one of his ideas and seeing how it goes.  I go back to work a month from tomorrow, and P starts kindergarten the same day.  August 10th seems really close right now, but somehow it seems more hopeful than it did a week ago.