May 31, 2010

Ooh, hot flash

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:37 pm by Erin

Gack, I didn’t miss them.  Actually, I’d never been on Cl.omid in the summer and was wondering if I’d even notice them since it’s already so warm—guess now I know!

Yesterday’s high points:

1) A fun day with the kids and J

2) Only the second day of the three-day-weekend!

Today’s high points:

1) Definitely my time with a very dear friend who is moving to a completely different continent tomorrow and who I will miss terribly—I am so very, very glad to have gotten to spend a few hours with her today.

2) At least I know the Cl.omid is working!

3) Getting lots of work done for both my classes and the textbook that I’m helping edit/write ancillary materials.  This is an especially good thing since I have a deadline tomorrow.

Damn, another one.  I think I’m sweating on my computer.  Gack!

May 30, 2010

Yesterday was a good day altogether

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:39 am by Erin

It’s not at all hard to find good things to post about yesterday!  We went to a friend’s home for their annual Memorial day party.  They live on a lake not too far from here and we had such a fantastic time!  Lots of really nice people, kids everywhere (we were responsibile for 3 of them—ours plus one from a friend who couldn’t make it, so we brought their daughter with us), amazing food, and a gorgeous day.  We went tubing on the lake and played volleyball, they had a bouncy thing for the kids, lots of adult beverages, and a full day there.  Such a good time!

It’s also a group of friends who do not know about this blog but know that we are doing IVF this summer.  There are very few people that I’ve shared that with, but this group has several people in it who know.  The host’s kids are IVF twins—she has stage 4 endo.  The others are perfectly fertile but one’s sibling is expecting a baby after IVF#2 and the other is great about saying the right thing.  I’m so open about infertility in general but when it comes to specifics about our treatments, primarily those we’re about to do, it’s really hard for me to discuss them.  When you discuss them ahead of time, people want to know the results when they’re done.  I’m really careful to only share with those who I think will say the right things whether they turn out good or bad.

You’ll note that my parents and J’s parents don’t know 😉

So yesterday was a great day.  I start Cl.omid this morning and am hoping the good attitude will counter some of the Clomibitch effects that I usually have.  This will be the first time I’ve been on Cl.omid since P was 2 1/2.  Let’s hope my “great bloodwork” portends good things!

May 28, 2010

And….we’re off!

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:11 pm by Erin

Crazy. I actually went through a serious case of nerves when I got to the clinic this morning.  It was bad enough that I almost turned around and headed back to my car.  But I stuck it out, primarily because I couldn’t believe that thought had actually run through my head!  I discovered that Nurse L has gotten a new degree since I was last there and is now a physician’s assistant (and is now being renamed PA-L), which is awesome because now she’s the one actually doing the wanding and all.  She and Dr. Wonderful are still with the same clinic but they’re in a new building and it is just lovely. 

I got my blood drawn & had a quick wanding.  My lining looks nice and thin and I have lots of little follicles in both ovaries, so that was good news.  We decided to postpone the saline sonohystogram until during the prep time for IVF since PA-L said it’s a pretty pricey test and we might just get lucky with this Cl.omid/IUI cycle.  PA-L called later and said my bloodwork looks “excellent” (which is probably the only time I’ve ever heard that word from PA-L about anything reproductively related to me 😉 )—FSH is nice and low, prolactin and other hormones are great.  I have my Rx for Cl.omid and start it on d5, which is Sunday.  PA-L asked if I wanted to be scheduled for a mid-cycle u/s or just call when I get a peak on my monitor.  I opted for calling when I get the peak, with the exception that if I don’t get one by d16 or so, I will go in for a u/s.  Since we have no IF coverage, I’d rather not pay for a u/s if I don’t need one and I’ve always responded to Cl.omid well in the past.

As a side note, this is my 9th cycle of Cl.omid.  I had 3 before we conceived P, 4 after we had P, and then 1 more during the useless try with Fe.mara.  When I pointed out to J that it was our 9th, he just kind of blinked.  I guess when they come spread out over (holy hell) almost 8 years, it didn’t seem like many but lumping them together adds up quickly.

As another side note, since this is our 9th cycle of Cl.omid and I have yet to even have a chemical pregnancy with it, is it any wonder I’m a little pessimistic about this one actually working?

Actually, that brings me to my thought for today: I’ve decided that I’m cutting down on the pessimism.  Despite the odds being against it, being pessimistic certainly brings down my mood and makes me more stressed out.  Quite frankly, I don’t need either of those while I’m on Cl.omid—Cl.omid messes with me enough as it is!  I’m going to try to post something optimistic about every day.  I did this a while ago and just the act of looking for the positive parts of my day put me into a better mood. 

For today’s happy thoughts:

1. Good bloodwork and u/s.

2. Actively working towards kid #3 is always a joyous thought.

3. As of today, I’m out of workshops and home with the kids for the summer!  I’m teaching two classes but one is at night and one is online, so I still get my days and most nights to spend just with my family.  I love summers!

May 26, 2010

I have a date on Friday!

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:42 pm by Erin

Oh my gosh, I am so freaking excited!  OK, that’s not totally true.  I’m also really nervous.  It’s been so long since I’ve done this!  I’m hardly sure where to start…I thought about getting a wax, but I’ve never done that before and it seemed like a bad idea to do right before a date.  Help me, I need your advice!

Should I paint my toenails?  Bright and flirty, or serious and sexy?

What about my hair?  I think something that doesn’t get messed up too easily, don’t you?  After all, I’ll be on my back at some point 😉

Shaving *down there*?  I’ll probably just tidy up a bit.

Clothes?  Well, I do have work so it’ll have to be versatile for both things.



Oh yes, it’s true.  I got my period last night and so we’re starting the Clomid-IUI cycle that will precede IVF.  It’s probably the only time in my adult life that I’ve greeted cramps, a backache, and bleeding with “YES!!!”  I was already spotting but so afraid that my period would start on Friday and days 3 and 4 would be Sunday and Memorial Day, both days on which the clinic is closed.  I called Nurse L this morning and now have a 7:45 a.m. appointment on Friday with the vampires and wand-wielders at my RE’s office.  We’ll also set up the appointment for my saline sonohystogram the next week and I’ll start Clomid.  I can’t remember if my clinic does d3-7 or 5-9 but either way, I’ll walk out with Rx in hand.  Ahhh, I haven’t had a hot flash in so long.  June in Atlanta seems like a great time for them to start agai……..oh, wait.  I guess I’ll have to suck it up.  But if anyone asks me “Hot enough for you?” next month, I may snap their heads off.  Just fair warning.

I was seriously getting worried about this cycle.  We are going on vacation with my ILs next month and if I didn’t get started soon with the Clomid, I wasn’t going to get in the whole cycle before we go.  As it is, I’ll be cutting it REALLY close but should at least be around to do the post-O progesterone check that I need.  I’ll get an Rx for birth control at that time and get it filled so that if we’re gone when my period starts (because really, no one is actually expecting the Clomid-IUI cycle to work.  It’s mostly just to do all the prep stuff before IVF.), I can start taking it immediately. 
I’m alternating between feeling hopeful—I can’t shed the feeling that IVF will surely work for me, despite my best odds being under 50% with a single-embryo transfer—and feeling really scared—these are likely to be the very last two active TTC cycles of my life.  And it’s so much money, which also scares me.  You were all right about that part, though.  I can’t live the rest of my life wishing that I’d spent the money and at least tried.  We have to try.

So I will prepare for my date with the RE’s office.  Other than our consultation last spring, it’s been over 3 1/2 years since I was there.  I wonder if it will feel the same as ever…?

May 7, 2010

And then there are those who just don’t get it…

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:47 pm by Erin

Since last week was National Infertility Awareness Week, I slacked off on my blogging (which is hard to do, considering how little I blog here anyway).  I was still semi-reeling from the chemical pregnancy and yet feeling surprisingly hopeful about the future.  I called Nurse L and figured out what to do, which is basicallycall her when I get my period and get in for my d3 bloodwork and start Clomid for the IUI cycle.  We’ll do all the baseline monitoring, saline sonogram, and the mock transfer next cycle along with the IUI so that I’m ready to start BCP when that one doesn’t work (I don’t think anyone really expects it to work).  I’m just hoping desperately to ovulate soon so that I can get the Clomid cycle out of the way before we go on our cruise with my ILs at the end of June.  It would be best if I’m on BCP while we’re gone.

But I’ve digressed really far.  As usual.

So with last week being NIAW, I made the vast majority of my F.acebook updates about infertility awareness, posting stats and other information about infertility.  It wasn’t subtle in the least, as I’m no longer uncomfortable talking about my infertility* to IRL people.  It was meant to bring awareness to the subject.

Today, I happened to post about needing a very large drink at the end of next week because the semester will be over.  And a little while ago, one of my neighbors responded with “At least you don’t have to wait 3 months.  BIG sigh.”  Said neighbor is 6 months pregnant with child #2.

I thought about just letting it go and then decided that it was that kind of insensitive and unthinking statement that gets me the most, so I posted “(Name of neighbor), I’d give practically anything to have to wait 3 months for the reason you have to wait 3 months. Trust me, a drink is no consolation for that.”  I hope she reads it and I hope she gets it.  However, if a week of posting about infertility awareness wasn’t enough to get it, I have little hope.

*There are thoughts about this brewing for another post.