August 20, 2013

Reassurances

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:20 pm by Erin

The telling is going slowly, primarily because I can’t seem to get people on the phone! We’ve been trying to tell relatives for almost a week now and I’m still at least 4 or 5 away from being able to tell my parents that they’re now allowed to talk about this freely. They’re dying to be able to tell their friends but are afraid it will get back to relatives somehow, so they’re keeping quiet.

A week ago, I wasn’t sure I’d felt the baby. Now I feel the baby all the time. This little one is a mover and shaker like his/her big sister! At least a couple of times a day (like right now), the baby gives me at least a few good and noticeable kicks. He/she moves around so quickly that I’ll feel them right below my bellybutton, then a minute later feel them way low in my uterus. Right now, my computer lap desk is feeling the full brunt of the energy—apparently, he/she is sick of me being on the computer and says it’s time for bed.

I agree. I went for a 3+ mile run this morning, then taught several classes and did a ton of work in the middle of the day. I’m exhausted! Good night all, and thanks for the happy wishes!

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August 14, 2013

And exhale

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:29 pm by Erin

I am 95% sure that I felt the baby move early this morning, and maybe last night. Then I went to the midwife’s appt and heard his/her heartbeat—perfect, fast, healthy. Then I went to a consignment sale and bought a bunch more maternity clothes and a sleep sac for the baby, and to Ba.bies R Us for a “Big Sister” t-shirt for Ellie. And then we came home, put the shirt on her, and told the kids. P got the gist of the shirt right away and once he explained it, K jumped around with excitement. E, of course, still doesn’t understand but she does like her new shirt. Then we Skyped with my parents to tell them the news. They were excited for us.

It’s out now. We’ll tell people over the next few days and weeks. I’m still nervous but I’m finding it harder to hide it already compared to last week (the midwife felt my uterus and said “Wow, it’s really up there—I’m not surprised you felt the baby move!”), so it was going to be out of my control soon.

And, as seems to be my habit, I cried as I was driving home from the appt this morning. They were tears of joy and release, and felt perfectly natural. With all the planning and hoping and praying that we did during our many years of dealing with IF, this was never something I ever envisioned happening and I still can’t quite believe that it’s real.

14 weeks on Friday.

August 13, 2013

The world hasn’t exploded yet

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:53 pm by Erin

Yesterday, I went through E’s closet to figure out what clothes she has available to grow into for this winter (we are blessed by getting a lot of girl hand-me-downs) before I hit a consignment sale tomorrow. Also in the closet was all of our baby clothes. Little, teensy baby clothes. I’ve given away a lot of the outfits, particularly the boy clothes, but there were still a lot of newborn baby clothes in there. And a box of maternity clothes, work-related, which was HUGE. I thought I’d given away all of my maternity clothes and was dreading using some of our really-limited funds to buy both a work wardrobe and some knock-around clothes that I’d only wear for 6 or so months. The box I found had most of my nicer winter-work maternity tops, my maternity winter coat, some sweaters, a dress, and a pair of pants. I’m so relieved!

I kept reminding myself that going through clothes was not going to jinx anything. They were just clothes. I just had to look at them. I didn’t wash anything, organize anything, plan anything. They’re just…acknowledged.

Appt tomorrow, 9:45. My heart races when I think about it.

August 10, 2013

Time to start getting nervous again

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:16 pm by Erin

I hit 13w yesterday. I guess that puts me into the second trimester. It doesn’t feel real. At this point with E’s pregnancy, I’d officially (at appointments) heard the baby’s heartbeat at least 3 times, and had rented a doppler so that I could check on it at home. This time, I’ve heard the baby’s heartbeat once, at the u/s. I have another appt on Wednesday and it feels like forever away.

E started moving very early—I know I was feeling her clearly by my 14th week and I think it was actually a week or two earlier that I’d first started feeling those little “flutters” of movement. Even P, who was my first pregnancy, was fluttering by 14 1/2 weeks and moving clearly by 16 weeks. So far, nada from this little one. I know it’s ridiculously early but the others have started so early that I was hoping for the same thing this time around. For the past two who made it this far, the movement coincided with starting to get Braxton-Hicks contractions. Feeling those early movements helped soothe my fears when I’d have those contractions. I’ve had several BH contractions in the last few days but no reassuring movement yet. My uterus is feeling quite tender and it’s definitely larger, but I really want to feel someone in there! The appt on Wednesday will help.

J and I aren’t sure when we’ll start telling people. I’ve told two friends IRL, plus a couple who read this blog know by now, but we haven’t told the kids or our families or most of our friends. I did have to tell my boss in order to impress upon her the importance of having people to teach my classes in the spring semester (the sum total of people who are qualified to teach the majors’ level biology class at my campus is 2—she and I, and she doesn’t teach much since she’s the new department chair. I refuse to get sucked into teaching when I’m having a baby AGAIN, like I did when I had E and also like I did when we adopted K). We were planning to start telling next week but J’s job is not going well and our families have been concerned. We would rather be able to say “Hey, we have good news and better news! The good news is J got a new job…” so that they can be happy instead of immediately quizzing us about how we plan to afford this baby. The boys are oblivious and while E is far more intuitive than either of them, she’s too young to know what exactly is happening.

So anyway, who knows when we’ll start telling. I’m not quite showing yet. I’m definitely puffier around the midsection but I don’t look a whole lot different than before I started running in November, so people can’t tell by looking at me. I think I have a couple of weeks before it becomes obvious, maybe the beginning of September-ish. But it all hinges on Wednesday being OK. I’m scared already.